These Words from A Parent Which Rescued Me during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was merely just surviving for a year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience soon turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her main carer while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You must get some help. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a broader reluctance to communicate amongst men, who continue to internalise negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a sign of failure to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to request a break - going on a few days away, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "bad choices" when in his youth to change how he felt, turning in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."